Classic Quotes From Stand-Up Comic Jim Gaffigan

Classic Quotes From Stand-Up Comic Jim Gaffigan Jim Gaffigans comic timing is impeccable. He knows how to tickle your funny bone. Self-deprecating humor never fails to elicit laughs, and  Gaffigans a master at it.   This Indiana native who got a big lift from late-night host David Letterman in 1993 has several trademarks. Besides his self-deprecation, he also regularly voices the internal monologue of his audience and makes constant jokes about food and strawberry blond hair. Hes one funny guy. Here are some samples. Food Pie can’t compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen. We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, let’s use two doughnuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle. Here comes the doughnut-ham-hamburger! There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who dont want to eat meat  but would still like diarrhea. Im a big eater. I mean, a lot of my stand-up is about food, and you write about what you know, and thats the only thing I know. I dont know anything else. Whenever Im out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something, but you can be a genius, you try and write a postcard you come across like a moron anyway: This citys got big buildings. I like food. Bye. Self-Deprecation Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was  Elton John. The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal. But in  Indiana, its not like New York where everyones like, Were from New York and were the best or Were from Texas and we like things big; its more like Were from Indiana and were gonna move. I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic. Im nothing. Because if youre Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, Hes got a Latin temper! If youre a white guy and you get angry, people are like, That guys a jerk. My whole comic persona is that of a guy who explores the id: I romanticize gluttony, I romanticize laziness, and people identify with that. Everything Else I come from a very big family ... nine parents. Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? Its like, Oh great, socks. You know Im dying for your sins, right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! Theyll go great with my sandals. What am I, German? I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why dont they just call that one the female? Whenever you are single, all you see are couples, but whenever you are a couple, all you see are hookers.

Allelic Drift - Definition

Genetic Drift / Allelic Drift - Definition Definition: Genetic drift is defined as the changing of the number of available alleles in a population by chance events. Also called allelic drift, this phenomenon is usually due to a very small gene pool or population size. Unlike natural selection, it is a random, chance event that causes genetic drift and it depends solely on statistical chance instead of desirable traits being passed down to offspring. Unless the population size increases through more immigration, the number of available alleles gets smaller with every generation. Genetic drift happens by chance and can make an allele disappear completely from a gene pool, even if it was a desirable trait that should have been passed down to offspring. The random sampling style of genetic drift shrinks the gene pool and therefore alters the frequency the alleles are found in the population. Some alleles are completely lost within a generation due to genetic drift. This random change in the gene pool can affect the speed of evolution of a species. Instead of taking several generations to see a change in allele frequency, genetic drift can cause the same affect within a single generation or two. The smaller the population size, the greater the chance of genetic drift occurring. Larger populations tend to function through natural selection much more than genetic drift due to the sheer number of alleles that are available for natural selection to work on as compared to smaller populations. The Hardy-Weinberg equation cannot be used on small populations where genetic drift is the main contributor to diversity of alleles. Bottleneck Effect One specific cause of genetic drift is the bottleneck effect, or population bottleneck. The bottleneck effect occurs when a larger population shrinks significantly in size in a short amount of time. Usually, this decrease in population size is generally due to a random environmental affect like a natural disaster or spread of disease. This rapid loss of alleles makes the gene pool much smaller and some alleles are completely eliminated from the population. Out of necessity, populations that have experienced population bottleneck increase the instances of inbreeding to build the numbers back up to an acceptable level. However, inbreeding does not increase diversity or numbers of possible alleles and instead just increases the numbers of the same types of alleles. Inbreeding can also increase the chances of random mutations within DNA. While this may increase the number of alleles available to be passed down to offspring, many times these mutations express undesirable traits such as disease or reduced mental capacity. Founders Effect Another cause of genetic drift is called founders effect. The root cause of founders effect is also due to an unusually small population. However, instead of a chance environmental effect reducing the numbers of available breeding individuals, the founders effect is seen in populations who have chosen to stay small and do not allow breeding outside of that population. Often, these populations are specific religious sects or offshoots of a particular religion. The mate choice is significantly reduced and is mandated to be someone within the same population. Without immigration or gene flow, the number of alleles is limited to only that population and often the undesirable traits become the most frequently passed down alleles. Â   Examples: An example of founders effect happened in a certain population of Amish people in Pennsylvania. Since two of the founding members were carriers for Ellis van Creveld Syndrome, the disease was seen much more often in that colony of Amish people than the general population of the United States. After several generations of isolation and inbreeding within the Amish colony, the majority of the population became either carriers or suffered from Ellis van Creveld Syndrome.

Type 2 Diabetes Among Latinas Research Paper Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 1250 words

Type 2 Diabetes Among Latinas - Research Paper Example These findings also show that the association between type-2 diabetes and food insecurity in this population are due to certain mechanisms including physical activity, dietary intake, SES, obesity and cigarette smoking but negative association with meal skipping and alcohol drinking. This model also showed less significant association of Latina’s depressive symptoms, BMI, nutritional knowledge, interaction, education, Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program participation, marital status, and access to car and cigarette smoking to likelihood of getting type-2 diabetes. Latinas with High depression levels and those with low nutritional knowledge also had high food insecurity and those who were food secure had good nutritional knowledge as well as low depressions and were not participating in SNAP. The findings also showed that depression scores increased with increasing severity of food security with scores of 14.7 for food security, 24.2 low food security and 28.2 for very low food security (Fitzgerald et al, 2011). Fitzgerald et al’s â€Å"Food insecurity is related to increased risk of type 2 diabetes among Latinas focused on examining the relationship between food security and type-2 diabetes among Latino Americans. While the investigators clearly outline the aim of the study, they have not stated clearly what the problem is as well as the hypothesis. In this kind of study, it is important to outline the epidemiological problem that warrants the investigation. As stated by Melnyk & Fineout-Overholt (2011), a clear research question is important since it provides the researcher with direction so as to focus on specific answers to the research question. Gerrishet al (2011) also noted that a clear statement of the epidemiological problem should clearly state the condition, population of interest, the comparison or control, the population of interest, intervention and the outcome measure

Macroeconomics II Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 1500 words

Macroeconomics II - Essay Example Macroeconomics is the big picture of a country. The rate of inflation measured by the Consumer price index, Growth measured by the GDP rate, and the rate of unemployment, which denotes the country’s full employment potential. On the other hand, Microeconomics is study of the behavior of firms workers, markets and households. The primary goal of the government and the Bank of England is to keep inflation and unemployment as low as possible in the process of maximizing growth. To achieve this goal a monetary and fiscal policy is formulated. A monetary policy is the altering of lending rates to banks this in turn releases or curbs money supply in the financial market. An increase in the prime lending rate by the Bank of England to other banks pushes them to raise the interest paid on deposits to consumers and the interest on loan to borrowers. A fiscal policy is the change in the taxation structure and public spending. Public spending in other words is the government spending on defense, infrastructure and welfare schemes for the country. (Source:Mathew Bishop ’Economist’ Essentials of Economics, Macroeconomic policy.) Inflation is caused when demand for goods and services exceed supply or a rise in the price of oil, which most countries around the globe are facing right now. An increase in the prime lending rate will encourage saving, and discourage borrowing due to the high rate of interest on loans and in turn bring down consumption spending by giving the common person, lower disposable income, Therefore lower demand and this controls price rise. Now the reduction in consumption spending decreases the demand for goods and services, and businesses will cut cost as they worry about inventory pile up and future sales. This results in low wages and unemployment. So what do we do? What we see here is ironical. In the attempts to

The Last Supper Essay -- Religious Jesus Painting Last Supper Essays

The Last Supper The Last Supper was a very powerful Biblical event, in which Jesus and his disciples gathered for one final dinner together. According to the Bible, important events took place during the Last Supper, including an announcement by Jesus that one of his disciples would betray him and the first communion. To artists in the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries, it was necessary to give proper deference to such notable occurrences. Both Leonardo da Vinci and Jacopo Robusti, known as Tintoretto, took upon the challenge of recreating the Last Supper. While Last Supper by da Vinci and Last Supper by Tintoretto are very similar in subject matter, they differ in composition, symbolism, and the choice of narrative moment.   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  The Last Supper by Leonardo da Vinci is the first great figure composition of the High Renaissance and the definitive interpretation of its theme. Jesus and his twelve disciples are seated at a long table that is parallel to the picture plane. The room is spacious and peaceful, and Christ has his arms spread in disposed trust . The rest of the group is in intense and dramatic excitement, with their hands out in shock and question at Jesus’ words. The viewer can just feel the tense excitement sweeping through the groups of disciples. Jesus, the most important figure in the painting, has been placed in front of three windows that are in the back of the room, and he is framed by the cen...

National Museum Review (Philippines) Essay

What a blast from the past. September 5, 2013 a date to remember, another great day in my life. This was the day I and my two block mates went and visit an institution. The institution devoted to the procurement, care, study, and display of objects of lasting interest of the country. Significantly, this institution is like a trophy to all Filipinos, a triumphant trophy of strong and vigorous mark of an extraordinary history, this is the National Museum of the Philippines. When I was in grade school and high school, I’ve been to the National Museum for several times already, because of our Field Trip. Thus, I am so happy and excited when our Professor in Philippine History told us that one of our requirements is to visit National Museum and be able to pass a reflection about the Museum, because it’s about time to reflect and appreciate more of the country’s history and treasure. I used to conduct researches before I go to a place like National Museum, because I be lieve that it’s not enough just to visit places like such without any prior knowledge or interest about the place, I think being a little cognitive would do, for we can appreciate more of the place. In my research I have learned that, the National Art Gallery was originally designed as the public library by Ralph Harrington Doane. In 1918, the construction begun and was suspended for several times due to lack of funds. Later on, the building was decided to be used by the legislature. Revisions of the plan were done by Juan Arellano. The building was inaugurated on July 16, 1926. Costing only four million pesos, in the mid-1996 the Senate of the Philippines moved out of the building. In 2003, the renovation started to transform it into National Art Gallery of the national Museum. Before entering the museum, you’ll see two sculptures done by the artist Guillermo Tolentino. They are the heroic monuments of Manuel Quezon, former Senate President; and Sergio Osmena, former Speaker of the House. When I entered the door there was a feeling of excitement and something mysterious. Something that holds my breath and whispers in my ears saying, â€Å"This is your country, this is Philippines†. As if I am about to see the past of my country, accounts of its history that were untold. There are different rooms/halls inside the museum. Each caters to different artists, artifacts and historical pieces. One of my favorite in the rooms is the Hall of Masters. â€Å"This room is dedicated to the 19th-century Filipino painters Juan Luna and Felix Resurreccion Hidalgo who achieved prominence at  the 1884 Madrid Exposition. Luna’s Spoliarium received one of the three gold medals and Hidalgo’s Virgenes Cristianas Expuestas al Populacho (Christian Virgins Presented to the Populace) received one of the fourteen silver medals† I’m not the artsy type, but this Juan Luna painting is definitely the first and only painting that evoked such strong feelings in me — desperation and hopelessness in a gigantic package. I first saw it in high school, but seeing it as an adult never dimmed the effect it had on me everything else pales in comparison. I hope treasures like this will be forever ours. Another favorite of mine is the Amorsolo Gallery. In my researches I found out that â€Å"Fernando C. Amorsolo, named National Artist in Painting in 1972, was the first Filipino to ever be given that distinction. He was also called the â€Å"Grand Old Man of Philippine Art† at the inauguration of the Manila Hilton’s art center, where his paintings were exhibited, on January 23, 1969. His works covered a wide range of subjects, but he was best known for his idealized female images of the dalagang Filipina. He also painted scenes of traditional Filipino customs, fiestas and occupations, and series of historical paintings on pre-Colonial and Spanish Colonization scenes. He preferred to paint in natural light and developed the backlighting technique, which became his trademark. † Other galleries includes the Arellano room, dedicated to the prolific-painter Juan Arellano, who is also one the architects of the building. The Beloved Land, â€Å"This room introduces the scope of the history of art in the Philippines through a timeline.† The Vessels of Faith, â€Å"This room presents the various expressions of Philippine spirituality.† The Hall of National Artists for the Visual Arts, â€Å"This room is dedicated to the visual artists who have been named National Artists by the government.† The Freedom Yearned For, â€Å"This room expresses the theme of struggle of Filipinos against colonialism and the forms of oppression that persist to this day.† Across the National Art Gallery building is The Museum of the Filipino People. It houses the Anthropology and Archaeology division. The Museum of the Filipino People houses different exhibits from the origin of the islands of the Philippines up to the arrival of the Spaniards. The building formerly housed the Department of Finance. The National Museum of the Philippines is like the country itself, the Philippines is a place of beautiful and fascinating sites, a place of serendipity, a place with much resources Philippines is  truly a place like no other. But what we did, and what we are still doing are abusive and deteriorative manifestation on our God given gifts. Likewise, the National Museum is place of beautiful and fascinating works of art, a place of mystery and treasure, a place of told and untold chronicles of our land. But just like our country we express less care. That is one of my disappointments when I visited; I only saw some of the galleries, for the Museum is under renovation. If I am not mistaken that renovation plan is for years already. I asked one of the staff who guides our way into the galleries, â€Å"Is there any leaflet that the Museum is giving to the visitor?† the staff replied â€Å"None sir, because the Museum has no budget with that.† What the heck. Our history, the evidences of the great journey of the country were located there, yet we don’t give enough care and love on that institution. I have entitled my reflection â€Å"An untold Chronicle through Art (The Pearl of the Orient)† Because it’s so amazing and mind blowing, to think that through the paintings and sculptures, clothes and silks, structures and literature our ancestors creatively made our history engraved on our minds and especially on our hearts. And â€Å"The Pearl of the Orient† because, it is the Philippine itself, the reflection and mirror of our country, of our past and it’s in the hands of the present to ceaselessly preserve its beauty. At the end of the day, I realized that I’m so lucky and blessed to have such wonderful history as a Filipino. The National Museum of the Philippines is the Philippines itself, the story of the Filipinos. Substantially, it is already engraved and will forever be engraved into my mind and into my heart that I am a Filipino, I am proud of my story, and I will keep my blazing heart to ignite with love and care to my country. The First Mass at Limasawa by Carlos V. Fransisco Model for the Commonwealth Triumphal Arch by Guillermo Santos Francis Burton Harrison by Fernando Amorsolo Portrait of a Lady (Unfinished) Fernando Amorsolo San Diego Wreck Site

Famous Quotations from Medea by Euripides

Medea is the famous play by the Greek, Euripides. To what extent would a mother go? Here are a few quotes from the Greek drama. Flow backward to your sources, sacred rivers,And let the worlds great order be reversed.It is the thoughts of men that are deceitful,Their pledges that are loose.- Euripides, Medea I am afraid of you...You are a clever woman, versed in evil artsAnd are angry at having lost your husbands love.I hear that you are threatening, so they tell me,To do something against my daughter and JasonAnd me too.- Euripides, Medea I have often been the loser.Even now I know that I am making a mistake.- Euripides, Medea Do you think that I would ever have fawned on that manUnless I had some end to gain or profit in it?- Euripides, Medea And when I have ruined the whole of Jasons house,I shall leave the land and flee from the murder of myDear children, and I shall have done a dreadful deed.For it is not bearable to be mocked by enemies.So it must happen. What profit have I in life?I have no land, no home, no refuge from my pain.- Euripides, Medea